Raising Independent Children: Overcoming Codependency
Have you unintentionally raised a codependent child? The good news is, it’s never too late to help your child develop independence. We all aspire to raise children who are academically successful and financially independent. However, being overly controlling, overprotective, or excessively pampering can hinder your child’s ability to make their own decisions.
If you answer “yes” to more than three of the following questions, you might be raising a codependent child:
- Do you make most of the decisions for your child?
- Is your child not responsible for their choices, leaving you with all the power?
- Is your child not allowed to voice their own choices or opinions?
- Does your child ask for permission for even simple tasks?
- Are you choosing their career path and goals instead of allowing them to choose?
- Are you selective about who your child plays or associates with?
- Do you decide what your child eats and how they dress?
- Are you monitoring your child’s phone and choosing who they talk to?
- Are you pressuring your child to excel in school rather than encouraging them?
- Do you control their ability to solve their own problems?
Signs of Codependency in Children:
- Inability to make decisions
- Extreme worry, stress, and/or anxiety
Encouraging Independence in Your Child:
- Be Flexible
- Allow your children to make their own choices. Let them explore and learn from their decisions. If your child wants a peanut butter, Nutella, and cheese sandwich, let them. If they choose a toy you know will break soon, let them learn from that choice. If they want to major in music instead of science, support their decision. Offer advice only when necessary and not on every little choice. Celebrate mistakes as opportunities for learning.
- Meet Your Child’s Needs, Not Yours
- Encourage self-praise instead of constant external validation. Ask them how they thought they did on assignments. Let them reflect on their achievements independently.
- Let Your Child Solve Their Own Problems
- Provide a safe space for them to express thoughts, feelings, and choices without interruption. Allow them to solve problems using their own thinking patterns and make solutions without judgment.
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Author: Madeline Bodry
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